My mom has always said that the state of my room is a direct reflection of the state of my mind. My bedroom was always a pigsty growing up. So you can imagine how I felt on the inside.
Teen angst to the max.
And that hasn’t changed.
Well, it’s changed a little. I’m no longer pining after boys who are way out of my league and wondering why they don’t notice me. I’m not crying over girls who won’t let me into their clique. I’m not struggling with geometry homework and wishing math didn’t exist. Okay, I’m still wishing math didn’t exist. I’m also still buying Clearasil.
The point is, the principle hasn’t changed. Even though I’m a grown adult now, what my mom said is still true. It’s not the bedroom that I share with my husband that is the problem, though; it is my room, my walk-in closet. It is frequently in shambles. (In my defense, it’s not big enough. I need a whole other room. Just for my shoes.) The floor of my closet is not visible often, with shirts, jeans, shorts, dresses, and other articles of clothing covering every inch of the hardwood. I always wonder, how did it get like that? I don’t remember messing it up.
Just like my train of thought. Often I’ll start thinking, and then thinking some more, until I think myself into a very dark, bad place. I never realize I’m doing it until I get to that place. Or I’ll have so many things on my mind at once, and it feels like everything is bombarding me, until I completely stress myself out and head for a panic attack.
I need a bigger closet, and I need a bigger brain. More room to sort through these thoughts and file them nicely and neatly into separate folders. And perhaps a GPS for both my closet and brain to let me know when we’re headed for disaster.
Since I doubt I’ll get a bigger closet, a bigger brain, or a GPS for either one, I suppose I have to work with what I have. The logical solution to me is to get rid of some stuff. In both cases. Get rid of clothes I don’t wear, of shoes I don’t wear…and at the same time, get rid of the negative thoughts that plague my brain.
My closet was in a terrible state earlier this week. I didn’t know where anything was; it was hard to get dressed. It caused stress. Yet I had no desire to clean it. None. On a sidenote, I was also in a horrible place mentally. I didn’t have the motivation to do much. I simply didn’t care. I had so many other things on my mind, the thought of tackling that closet seemed pretty daunting. I left the clothes where they were.
Today I woke up with a different mindset. I decided I wanted to be able to find the clothes I wanted when I got dressed. Though I couldn’t change some of the things happening that were occupying my mind, I could control this. I need to start taking care of that which I can control, and try not to dwell on that which I can’t control.
So I played some music and hung up all my clothes. It took a little while, but it actually wasn’t so bad. Now that it’s done, I’m happy. I feel relieved. Lighter. It won’t be as stressful now to get dressed.
So listen to your moms. They’re right. Now my goal is to keep my closet clean all year long. Hopefully that means I’ll maintain a positive mindset at the same time.
Just don’t ever think I’ll clean out my car.