Because I’m a mom…and I love being one, I thought I’d write about that today.
That’s a sentence I never thought I’d say. I never wanted kids…and now I have no idea what I did before kids. Oh, yeah. I drank.
Because I’m a mom…I quit drinking. I am grateful. I can’t say I don’t crave alcohol once in a while – or every day. Being a mom is not easy. But I haven’t caved in, and I think I’ve managed to keep a little of my sanity thus far while raising these kids.
Because I’m a mom…I love doing stuff with the girls that I used to do when I was little. We dance in the rain in bathing suits. That’s one of my fondest childhood memories. I’ve always loved the rain. Maybe that’s why. I’m just glad I have a mom who let us do things like that. Of course, things in general are much different today than they were when I was growing up. Entertainment and toys in the 80s were much more primitive than the hand-held video game devices of today. I often miss the simplicity and sometimes cheesy childhood staples I grew up with. I think my kids are having a pretty good childhood, though…sometimes the technology just overwhelms me. That’s when I attempt to break out a toy or TV show from the 80s to show my kids how awesome everything was. I’m not sure that they get that impressed.
Because I’m a mom…I marvel at all the funny, crazy things my kids say…I don’t know where they get it. Although they seem to be entering a stage which causes me to yell more, they’re usually making me laugh. I never know what they’ll do or say. And even though it’s great to get a break from them, I always miss them so much when they’re gone. I never understood when parents said that…before I had children.
Because I’m a mom…I just watched The Lion King. It’s fun to watch movies with my girls now. It wasn’t so fun when they were younger, as their attention spans were non-existent. Now I like hearing their commentary when we watch something. One thing I never did until I had kids was cry at the drop of a hat. That started as soon as I was pregnant with Adele, and it hasn’t stopped. I cried while watching The Lion King; that whole circle of life thing gets to me. It’s not necessarily because I’m sad…it’s more of a happy cry…if that makes sense. I just see everything with a whole different perspective now that I have kids. I used to get so annoyed when moms would talk about motherhood. It bored the hell out of me. I just wanted to get drunk and dance on the bar. Not sit around talking about what everyone’s kids did or said. I still would prefer to talk about a variety of other topics other than our kids when I get together with friends, but I understand now why moms do talk a lot about their offspring.
Because I’m a mom…my kids are a huge part of my life…in a way, an accomplishment…a challenge sometimes…a headache often…a test of patience…but my everything. The most worthwhile thing I’ve ever done. It helps to compare notes with other moms, too, to realize you’re not the Worst Mom on the Planet, that other moms feel the things you’re feeling and go through the same emotions you’re going through. That’s reassuring.
Because I’m a mom…it kills me when my kids are hurt or crying. I want to take all their pain away, stop the tears. It’s like when they’re in pain, I’m in pain, too. I want to see them smile. So I bandage skinned knees and soothe hurt feelings and do my best to make them happy again.
Because I’m a mom…I am now very glad I got pregnant when I did…it was unexpected, but a blessing…and I had two healthy kids. I vividly remember the birth of both of my baby girls as if it were yesterday. I’ve never been more awestruck or happy. I still look at them and can’t believe I created these beautiful creatures. I felt my heart grow when I had Eleanor, to make room for her, even though I had been worried I could never love another human being like I loved Adele. When I hear, little voices say, “I love you, Mommy!” or I get a colored drawing full of hearts, I feel warm and fuzzy from head to toe. I can’t believe how fast they’re growing up, and I can do nothing to pause time. There are lots of times that I feel like I want another baby…Andy and I are both cystic fibrosis carriers, though, so it scares us to try. It’s like we don’t want to push our luck. As much as I long for one more, we probably won’t have any more. I just try to love and appreciate the two that I have as much as I can. Plus, when they’re both being awful, I feel like I definitely don’t want any more! I just wonder if every mom feels that way sometimes…like you want another baby. Maybe after you’ve had one, that want for more just never fully goes away. I don’t know. All I know is, I love my kids more than anything. Thank you, Adele and Eleanor, for making me laugh, loving me no matter what, even when I feel that I don’t deserve anyone’s love, and for making my world complete.
Because I love you both to the moon and back, and I love being your mom.