It’s not easy being sober.
It seems like every time I go to the store, there’s a new ale, liquor, etc. that I’d have definitely bought when I still drank. It’s like the alcohol section is taunting me.
I try to find new imaginative ways to have fun sober…it’s work. It’s still hard for everyone around me to be drinking…and I can tell when they’re buzzed, and that’s when they’re on a different plane than I am. We’re no longer at the same level of sobriety. People ask me why I’m so quiet. They ask what’s wrong. Nothing’s really wrong…I’m just sober and they’re buzzed. While they’re giggling at every little thing, I’m sober. I’m sober. I’m sober.
I wonder if I can keep this up forever. I have dreams of being drunk. They’re more like nightmares, though, because I wake up and am terrified and ashamed that I fell off the wagon. I’m relieved when I discover it was just a dream.
I know I need to take this one day at a time. I can’t worry about forever. But I do. And then…who am I? Who is the sober me? I, and I think my friends, are still figuring this out.
I know I’ve changed since I quit drinking…it’s been pointed out by several people. I’ve changed for the better. That doesn’t mean my demons are gone. They’re still there…they’re just latent. And I’m afraid of screwing it up.
All I can do is try. Do my best. Lots of people do this, right?