Random Ramblings


I have no motivation lately.  I’m not sure why.  I don’t feel like cleaning, and I need to.  Sometimes I can’t bring myself to do it, knowing that with the kids around, it’s messy again in ten seconds.  This new puppy we’ve been trying out is not exactly working…it’s been a major stressor here, along with the still flooding basement.  I think if we could fix those two things, my outlook would be different.

I’m still trying to find that perfect cocktail of medications that works for me, too…I know I’ve been down lately because of a lot of things, so maybe once some time has passed I’ll be better.  I’ve forever been searching for the perfect sleeping med…that’s something I’ve practically given up on. 

Maybe it’s the weather, but lately I can’t wait to crawl into bed.  In the morning I don’t want to crawl out, and every night it’s been getting earlier and earlier that I’m crawling into it.  I just feel like I’m stuck in a rut…and I’m not sure how to change it.

The most exciting part of my day is looking forward to bed…to my nighttime ritual of tea and reading, or maybe some TV.  At least then it’s an acceptable hour to be in bed.

I hope I break out of this rut soon…I don’t like it.  I’m just not sure how to do it…I look forward to my Monday night support group – the only people who understand.  If only I could get my family to understand more, I wouldn’t feel so guilty maybe.  I don’t know.  I so often wish I were “normal.”  Or that more people were open…that would help, too.

Maybe part of the reason I like winter is because more people seem to experience what I experience year-round.  Maybe I feel like I can relate to people better, and they can relate to me.  I don’t know.  Or maybe it’s just because I love snow.  Either way, I don’t get all pumped up about spring like almost every other single person does.  I could go without it, really.  I’ll always be a fall and winter girl.

I guess I should go and force myself to do some cleaning…or at least try.