Seeing P!nk


Preface:  I don’t know how to write and not sound like a crazy person.  I guess I just need to accept the fact that I am a crazy person and move on.

I just got back from seeing P!nk in concert.  Andy got me the ticket as a present for my birthday and our anniversary, which are both coming up.  I went to the concert with a bunch of girl friends.  I haven’t really slept.  It was an experience that I’m finding hard to put into words.

I realize that to many people, maybe I’m not cool or hip for liking P!nk.  She’s too mainstream.  I don’t give a &$^%.  I love her.  I was also told not to wear one of her shirts to the concert, because that’s not cool.  It was the strangest thing…we got to the concert and it turned out not to be a high school fashion show after all.  
Okay, enough with the sarcasm.  Like I said, I love P!nk.  Adore her.  Our seats were actually standing spots in the pit by the stage, so she was mere inches away from us at times. 

 It was amazing.

From the second she shot onto the stage, I was mesmerized.  I was ecstatic.  It felt like my heart was in my throat.  I was bursting with excitement.

The night was a roller coaster of emotions for me.  
She is every bit as wonderful vocally in person as she is on her recordings.  I love that she is real, and raw.  And she does not lip sync. She is a performer.  An actress.  An acrobat.

I died when I heard the first few notes of “Sober,” arguably my favorite song by her.  At least, the one that’s touched me the most.  It’s a song I’ve listened to countless times, many of them while drinking or hungover…and the lyrics have always spoken to me…not always to the point, I guess, of quitting drinking, because it took me way too long to do that.  But it did eventually hit home.  It’s helped with my sobriety.  I consider it instrumental in the whole process.

Ironically, I was talking with a friend right before the concert started about how sober, I’m actually an introvert.  She didn’t believe me.  The drunk me was an extrovert, and I sort of adopted that as my personality.  Well, as the words in “Sober” state, I am still finding myself sober.  I’m really not an outgoing person.  I feel like this has disappointed some people…maybe even myself.  It hurts to not know who you are at almost 34.

What people also don’t get is every day is just as hard as the first day I quit drinking.  Being surrounded by alcohol is hard.  It makes me want to drink.  I don’t, and I won’t, but the feeling doesn’t go away.  It’s not the fault of those around me, and I don’t want people to feel they have to change for me.  I’m the one who has to adapt.  Still, it just…
 It hurts.

So, okay, I’m crying as I type this.  I’ll just be honest.  I cried at the concert, though I think I hid it okay.  Watching her perform “Sober” live, when I finally was sober is one of those moments of my life I will never forget.  I’m not just a silly fan.  Her music really gets to me.  And as I stood there amongst the crowd, many of whom were far from sober, I felt really proud of myself in that moment.  I still can’t describe it.  

Maybe I never will.

She did “Family Portrait” next.  My eyes brimmed with tears once again.  Snapshots of P!nk’s childhood popped up and splashed across the stage as she poured her heart into belting out the song.  As she sang about her parents fighting while she grew up, I thought of how much Andy and I have been arguing lately…it hasn’t always been good.  It made me want to make a change.
Maybe these aren’t normal feelings to feel at a concert?  Maybe everyone else was merely singing along to songs they know by heart.  Nothing seems to affect me the same way it does the majority of people, though, and maybe this was no exception.
Like right now, maybe I’m crying because it’s similar to (and I’ll admit) my wedding night…and I cried then.  Because there was so much build-up to that one day…and it was also amazing.  

And then it was over.

I just feel misunderstood so often…I don’t even understand myself.  But P!nk’s music has always seemed to understand.  On a visceral level.  Seeing her live was a dream come true, and really hit me emotionally.  And I never thought I’d be so close to her…close enough to see the cute little moles that dot her perfectly sculpted abs!  It was insane.

I’d love to interview her.  I don’t know that I’ll ever be the level of writer who would get that chance, but a girl can dream.
In the meantime, I’ll always remember how spectacular she is live…words don’t do it justice.  Neither do pictures.  Neither does video.

Her acoustic versions of “Who Knew” and “Perfect,” were, in a word, perfect.  She said she was going to perform the “clean” version of “Perfect” because she could see all the daddies in the audience with their daughters, and she’s “soft” now.  That made my heart swell. I almost cried again.

Andy and I were going through something pretty trying this past summer, and “(Blow Me) One Last Kiss” was sort of our theme song at that point.  It was surreal to hear it live.  The same with “Just Give Me a Reason.”  Why does it seem like every song she sings lines up perfectly with what I’m going through in life?  It’s eerie.  And awesome.

She ended the concert with the Grammy performance she did a few years ago of “Glitter in the Air.”  When the lights went down and it was over, they showed clips of P!nk rehearsing at practice and hanging out with her husband and their daughter, Willow.  It made me miss Andy and the girls.  (And showed us that stars…they’re just like us!)  

As we were filing out of the concert, one of my friends pointed out that I had a little tiny gold star on my shoulder.  A piece of the glitter that was dropped from up above during “Glitter in the Air.”  
Seeing her was so cathartic for me.  It’s one of those nights that, it might sound strange, but it’s changed my life, for the better.  I can’t wait to see her again.  

Seeing her has made me want to set some goals for myself…like work harder on my marriage…continue with my sobriety…and of course, work on my abs. 

Thank you, P!nk.  xo