Bridge Over Troubled Water


True friends.

What does that mean?  I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately.  I had a good group of friends in high school, and obviously once we all went our separate ways after high school, it became somewhat difficult to stay in touch.  But I did stay in touch with many of them, and even if a lot of time had gone by from the last time we saw each other, once we reunited again, we could pick back up right where we started.

College is one thing.  Once we all started getting married and having kids, it became a whole other situation.  It’s much harder to make time for friends when you have a husband and kids.  Life is much more hectic than it was in high school and college.  I feel like I try to stay in touch with people, but a few friends, I’m afraid, have drifted away completely.  I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me…I don’t want it to bother me…but it does.  I’ve had several breakdowns, where I cry and wonder why this person or that person suddenly seems to not want me in their life.  I know being bipolar makes me extra sensitive and I probably react more intensely to things than other people would.  Still…this is me.
I try to be a good friend…but the past few years have been rough…when I hit rock bottom with my drinking, when I became officially diagnosed as bipolar…trying to find myself sober and understand who I even am, where does the disorder end and the real me begins?  It frustrates me, again, to the point of tears.
I cry a lot.

It’s not like I cry every day…maybe a few times a month…and it does make me feel better afterward, I think.

So, as I was saying, I have always tried to be a good friend…but I’ve been told there are some shortcomings when it comes to my efforts…things I’d have never seen if I hadn’t been told.  But I think that’s what makes a true friend – someone who communicates with you and tells you the truth…not someone who just drops out of your life with no explanation…how will I know what I did wrong and try to improve if I have no idea what I did?  
It just really hurts when that happens…hurts to the core…and I’ve experienced it more than once. I think a true friend should honestly communicate.  A true friend is there for you when things are good…and especially when things are bad.  That’s when you really find out who your real friends are…when you’re in the deepest, darkest place in your life…and certain people are still there with you…they didn’t bail because you could be “bumming them out” or whatever…they’re there for you because that’s when you need them most.

I have learned a lot over these past few years…realized who my true friends are…often times it can be surprising to find out who sticks around…and who jumps ship…that’s what’s so hard for me to get past…but I’ll have to.  I have to focus on the wonderful people who have always been there for me…and I’d much rather have a handful of real, true friends than 3,000 superficial friends.
I feel so blessed to have the amazing friends I do have…they’re an eclectic mixture…and I love them all dearly…I try so hard to be a good friend and to make time for them, and I hope they realize that…

Right now I have some friends who are going through some difficult times…and they need support more than ever.  I want them to know I’m here for them…on their side, always…for whatever they need.  

You know who you are.  You will get through this.  I love you.
I think it’s important to “weed out” anyone who you’ve recognized is no longer a real friend, and keep those around who are genuine friends.  Those who make you feel good about yourself, those who don’t judge you.  Those who accept you for the way you are.  Think about it, if you haven’t.  If you’re anything like me, you need these people in your life.  They are your rock.  Your bridge over troubled water.  

Your true friends.