Why I'm Feeling Better


I’ve improved a lot over the past few weeks.  Some of it, I know, is due to changes in my medication.  And then some of it, I also know, is due to changes I’ve made.

I was crying multiple times a day and feeling suicidal when I last saw my psychiatrist.  It wasn’t a good place to be.  I felt hopeless and was pretty sure no changes in my medication would work.  I was a lost cause.

My psychiatrist did make some adjustments, however, and I started feeling better pretty quickly.  Maybe part of it was placebo.  I don’t care.  I just wanted to feel better.

I slowly started to make some changes on my own, as I felt better from the meds.

I started exercising.  I take long bike rides, go to karate, lift free weights, and take walks.  I’m not always super motivated to do it, but as soon as I do, I feel better.  Being outside more makes me feel better, too, getting some sun and fresh air.  Exercise is what makes me feel the best of anything I can do.  It releases endorphins and takes the place of drinking.  Plus there’s no hangover.

I’ve been eating better.  I still eat whatever I want, in moderation.  I’ve cut back on sugar, though, and I’m eating more vegetables and fruit.  I never used to eat breakfast, but I’ve been doing that because I have to take one of my morning medications with food.  I’ve also been taking vitamins.  We have a garden, and I love picking tomatoes.  I love the smell of a tomato garden.  It’s amazing.  It’s therapeutic to spend time there.  I eat the tomatoes straight from the garden, or I use them on salads or make salsa.  We have cherry and Roma tomatoes.  We grow other stuff in the garden, but the tomatoes are my favorite.

I also drink tea all day.  I am obsessed.  I drink black tea in the morning, and then green or herbal tea the rest of the day.  I have a million different flavors so I don’t get bored.  I try to drink a lot of water on its own, too, but that can get old.  So tea helps me stay hydrated.

Another thing I’ve done is quit the electronic cigarette.  I was using it 24/7 because I could, pumping my body full of nicotine all day long.  I also had severe insomnia, and I wanted to see if the e-cig had anything to do with it.  Now that it’s been about a month since I quit, I am sleeping at night without any sleep medication for the first time in years.  I think getting on somewhat of a schedule has helped with that, too.

I’ve been reading some positive psychology books, which has helped.  I’ve been setting some goals for myself.  I try to appreciate each moment as I play with my kids, and try to appreciate what I have and my surroundings.  My husband and I have been having some meaningful conversations, which I have to say, hasn’t happened in a long time - and that just makes every other aspect of our relationship so much better, at least for me…so that’s wonderful!

It’s a great feeling to feel good.  I haven’t felt this way since…I can’t remember…and part of me doesn’t want to talk about it for fear of jinxing it.  Hopefully that’ll go away with time.  And hopefully this good feeling lasts.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed.